I Guess Now I Have to Be Paul

Me [On the phone with a supplier for work]: If you could e-mail me the info, that would be great.

Supplier Guy: You bet. Can I have your e-mail address?

Me: It's "p" as in . . .[pausing because "phil" phonetically starts with "f" and I don't want to confuse him] . . .uh, as in "Paul," "h" as in . . .

Supplier Guy: Okay, great. Thanks, Paul, I'll get this out to you ASAP.  Have a great day, Paul.

Me: You too.

Someday

Abby [Watching someone hit a Golf Ball on TV]: I do NOT understand why people golf.

Me [Apparently a little forlornly]: Oh, but it’s addictive if you play enough.

Abby [Looks at me consolingly, and pats my hand]: You can have a hobby some day, I promise.

Do They Even Give Coupons for Bologna?

Abby (Clipping coupons with her wonderful husband): And, I don't want any (coupons) for sausage or bologna, either.
Me: We need to start eating bologna.
Abby: Why do we need to start eating bologna?
Me: Our girls would eat it.
Abby: Our girls would NOT eat bologna.
Me: People eat bologna.
Abby: It's 2010.  People do NOT eat bologna.
Me: People eat bologna.

The Importance of a Healthy Breakfast

Annie: Can I have a brownie for breakfast?

Me: No, brownies are not good for breakfast.  Eat the cinnamon roll I made for you.

How About This Instead?

Abby: I don’t like your blog layout. It’s hard to read.
Me: I was trying to keep it simple.
Abby: It’s hard to read.
Me: Thanks.

I Say You’re Already There

Abby: I’m planning a mental trip.

Me: (Staring blankly).

Abby: Wait. I’m mentally planning a trip.

Me: Ah.

Life with a Phase-Changing Child

Amelia: (Standing in a misty rain while waiting to be put in the car so we can go to church, staring at her feet and the puddle surrounding them; somewhat calmly) I'm Melting.


Note: We do not own or have never in our marriage watched the movie The Wizard of Oz. I can only assume she believed that she was, in fact, melting, and was apparently okay with it.

Most Overused, Misunderstood Number of the Month: 45

A random selection of the number's usage (in some of its many iterations):

Annie: My birthday is in 45 days. (Note: It's in September)
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Annie: We were there for 45 hundred years. 
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Annie: I already have about 45 hundred thousand million of these.